Ok...so this one is really personal, but I believe in order to really reach your heart, I have to speak from my own. I really don't speak in detail of my relationships because I value the privacy and intimacy of it, but here it goes.....
*let us pray*
I am single. It is hard to say that considering I have been in relationships for years constantly...like the last 17 years to be exact. I have had some form of something with someone for a period of time. I have to say I have met the best of the best, and the worst of the worst, but I have always never spent time with me. I was being the good "wifey" and really, that was it. They received all the rights and privileges of husband and never had to make any commitment to me at all. Dang...I was so desperate no to be alone that I settled for being lonely with someone...
I was running down a path that was going no where in slow motion. It looked like the constant message was I wasn't good enough, I had too many issues, I was a mistake....it always was my fault. And it was my fault because I didn't care enough about myself to love myself and not let myself be subjected to less than what I deserved. I just didn't know I deserved better. I mean really, beside Claire Huxtable, name a woman in the media that has been treated right by a man....better yet...name 10 in your life that you know of.....I pray you can because I can't.
I love me...six kids and four fathers one miscarriage later....I love me....65 lbs lighter and no prospects I love me...Daily investing in my dreams I love me....lonely nights and sexless days I love me.....See I have learned to love me enough to wait on me to be that of how I see myself. I have my picture and everyday I look at her and tell her...I am coming. I am making the steps daily to be that picture that the universe has shown me is who I am in the perfected love og God....in my spirit. We are so amazing that we have to study ourselves to be who we are designed to be, and the first step is not allowing ourselves to intertwine with people who weren't meant to be with us.....Some of the people who have slept with was never meant to touch you. And yet you find yourself continuing to behave in a negative way even if they just have a female friend. He ain't yours, cause if he was...you'd be with him.......
So I am taking care to take care of Cynthia. I am not allowing any energy into my life that is going to cause harm or determent. If you are not genuine in progressing, please don't expect me to link to you. There was a time when I was unlinkable, and some people that I have respected I am finding are in that place with me.
Take care to take care of you.....I hope I didn't ramble too much....
Peace & Love
~X Blu Rayne
Copyright © 2011 X Blu Rayne All Rights Reserved
*let us pray*
I am single. It is hard to say that considering I have been in relationships for years constantly...like the last 17 years to be exact. I have had some form of something with someone for a period of time. I have to say I have met the best of the best, and the worst of the worst, but I have always never spent time with me. I was being the good "wifey" and really, that was it. They received all the rights and privileges of husband and never had to make any commitment to me at all. Dang...I was so desperate no to be alone that I settled for being lonely with someone...
I was running down a path that was going no where in slow motion. It looked like the constant message was I wasn't good enough, I had too many issues, I was a mistake....it always was my fault. And it was my fault because I didn't care enough about myself to love myself and not let myself be subjected to less than what I deserved. I just didn't know I deserved better. I mean really, beside Claire Huxtable, name a woman in the media that has been treated right by a man....better yet...name 10 in your life that you know of.....I pray you can because I can't.
I love me...six kids and four fathers one miscarriage later....I love me....65 lbs lighter and no prospects I love me...Daily investing in my dreams I love me....lonely nights and sexless days I love me.....See I have learned to love me enough to wait on me to be that of how I see myself. I have my picture and everyday I look at her and tell her...I am coming. I am making the steps daily to be that picture that the universe has shown me is who I am in the perfected love og God....in my spirit. We are so amazing that we have to study ourselves to be who we are designed to be, and the first step is not allowing ourselves to intertwine with people who weren't meant to be with us.....Some of the people who have slept with was never meant to touch you. And yet you find yourself continuing to behave in a negative way even if they just have a female friend. He ain't yours, cause if he was...you'd be with him.......
So I am taking care to take care of Cynthia. I am not allowing any energy into my life that is going to cause harm or determent. If you are not genuine in progressing, please don't expect me to link to you. There was a time when I was unlinkable, and some people that I have respected I am finding are in that place with me.
Take care to take care of you.....I hope I didn't ramble too much....
Peace & Love
~X Blu Rayne
Copyright © 2011 X Blu Rayne All Rights Reserved
Hey Lady...Back in the Seventies, the kegendary Nanacy Wilson put out an abum that had the title tune, "I've never been to me" (the link id below)...your story sounded just like that song to me, from the outset...Appparently, like too many women, you tried to make a man be "yours", by giving him a baby...that never works, Cynthia...Besides, no one should be your "possession" - not even your kids...rather, they are your legacy, NOT your possession..Dig, Mamasita?...Nevertheless, the more important message is: You never had a "sense of self"...by that I mean 1) You didn't know what it was like to be alone...and 2) You didn't know what it was like to accomplish goals by yourself in that situation...If you had, then you would have developed confidence...to be sure, confidence provides the soil from which self -esteem grows...additionally, that will make you embrace "love" as an "act of being" as opposed to a "state of being" or mood...the latter short-lived and is what is expressed through so many cheap songs on the radio and shown in so many silly Hollywood tv and movie productions...Moreover, whether loving yourself or anyone else, it requires you to pro-actively show care and concern for, feel responsible to, and concentrate on that person - or thing (because you can love things like your work, for example)...only then will you recognize someone who is just like you...Finally, Cynthia, your love for yourself only makes sense if it is based upon your love for others like your children, your other relatibes ad friends who deserve your love..after all, please don't give love to someone who doesn't deserve it, because that diminishes the love that you have for those who do deserve it,...Do ya feel me?...Peace & Love backatcha!...Djata http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jawCAULkKUo
ReplyDeleteI feel ya...thank you:-)
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