It is about you

*I come in peace*

How many times do we, women, put blame and shame on our heads when the man in our life leaves, cheats, or abuses us. We say that we must have done or said something to make him “change” (we will get back to this in a minute). That his behavior is a direct reflection of our character and value. I am about to share a summarizing of a conversation with someone whom I respect said to me. This statement is one that will redefine your mindset towards you if you choose to put this in your spirit. Are you ready??? Are you sure??? Cause understand, once you read this you are responsible for your own internal health, growth and well being….ok…..here it is???

“If a man cheats on me, abuses me, disrespects me, it has nothing to do with my value or character. I can only control me and what I do. I am not defined in his actions, but in how I respond to his actions. A man loves a woman. A man cherishes a woman. A man respects a woman. If I am understanding of my true woman value to God and man’s ability to connect to him, I can’t allow my SELF to fall prey to self deception. A boy plays games. A boy needs attention. A boy looks to be taken care of. I must accept my responsibility in exposing my SELF to such a behavior by not seeing the soul of the man. If a man does not love God, he cannot love me. If I do not love myself, I cannot receive love. I must be in love with my SELF, and then I will be trusted by my Creator to receive and recognize such a love that I am in deserving of.”

I know I just said a lot, so let us examine the core of where what we do in relationships start. The first question is clear, how much do you love you? I don’t know a sista that will not say she is keeping it real, that she is 100%, and that she loves herself cause she takes care of her needs. Really? You take care of SELF? Let me explain to you that when I say SELF, I am talking about that inner you, your spirit. I am talking about that you that is blameless, perfect, loving, care, honest, nurturing, giving, and perfect. I am talking about the you that doesn’t need to get her hair done every two weeks to define herself as beautiful. I am talking about the you that has a love of people that is genuine and radiants in their smile. I am talking about that you that has expectations form every black man you come in contact with to respect you, treasure your existence, and uphold your virtue that was stripped when Africa was raped and our queenship was reduced to breeder by the slave master. I am talking about a brother that is aware…awake. Have you been able to identify one as you have been reading this blog? I am sure you have been searching your history to see if you have come across such a person with such a value of a black woman. Unfortunately, the person you are looking for is not the individual you see every day in the mirror…and it should be you. 

You have to love your SELF. You have to value your SELF. You have to appreciate your SELF. In order to do that you have to study YOU. I have neglected me and my life shows it. I would not, if I was aware and loving me, made half of the mistakes that I have made. From personal to professional, my degree of value of me gave others permission to treat me as I treat myself. The creed “do unto others as you would have them to do unto you” and “love thy neighbor as thyself” must have a revision. It should be “do unto your SELF what God does for you so that you can love others and be loved by them” and “love thyself so that you can love and be loved by thy neighbor.” It all starts with SELF.

*I leave you as I came…in peace*

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