This is as honest as a poet can get
And some of these things you may find to be a bit much
But I can't keep lying and claim to be with my heart in touch
I have allowed myself to be touched too much
Giving myself over on out of town trips or in town flings
Baby daddy sex means nothing
See I keep saying I want to be in love but I live with lust
That disconnected being
Doesn't care about anything
Fornication isn't in my vocabulary
And cheating is a defined casuality
Of any woman expecting to be loved singularly
My thinking is so messed up
Cause I have allowed myself to be touched to much
I have enjoyed the moment in it's duration
But even my body has an anger towards penetration
Cause I bleed at the thought of the sensation
Yet I give in to the notion
Not that sex equals love
But sex equals living
Pastors, keep your opinion cause your sermons of this being sinning
Is meaningless to me
I'd rather be alive in hell than pretending to be feeling
Cause I have allowed myself to be touched to much
The faces are not a blur
and they are not nameless
And I fight the urge to allow my panties to be famous
But who can remain blameless
And I could act like I got my shit together and be shameless
But this is a cry out in pain
I despise every man that has laid with me
Cause calls back don't happen
No real change in staus, it's more of a let's just see what happens
Had babies with men that treat me like the whore they have said I am
And I have put up with such
Cause I have allowed myself to be touched to much
This is a crutch
A fucking crutch
I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what did she do to me
That little broken girl that won't let me be
She never had the love of daddy
Never had the respect of any man
In her mind, they just want her to have sex with them
I pray at night she will no longer be angry and forgive
I pray for a her death so I can live
Damage so deeply it is a part of my soul
Will this go away before it's too late
Before I get old
If there ever was a Super hero
I hope he can see her behind this exterior that seems so bold
Cause I am in bondage of pain that is becoming a permanent crutch
Cause I have allowed myself to be touched too much....
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